8/30 Things: Passions

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What are 5 passions you have?

1. The gospel and church

My biggest passion in life.  Learning the gospel, teaching the gospel, sharing the gospel, and living the gospel of Jesus Christ as taught by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  <3

2. History of songs/artists/bands
Particularly American popular music, oldies and the classics. It's so interesting to me to learn about the history of a song, because that gives the song so much more meaning. As part of this, I especially love listening to songs on vinyl records!

3. To-do lists
I have to feel like I'm being productive.  One way I do this is to keep an online to-do list.  I can also access it from my phone.  Checking things off that list is one of the most satisfying things I can do.

4. Organizing/cleaning

I love organizing things.  Something about the way my brain works just needs things to be in order.  It's so satisfying when I organize something and I can look at what I've done.  Love it!

5. Sleeping

There is nothing better!  I am passionate about my sleep.  I may not get to sleep on time, but boy, do I like to stay asleep once I get there!  (Also, homework always comes second to sleep.)

7/30 Things: Dream Job

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What is your dream job, and why?

My dream job, I think, would be getting paid to travel the world and find the best destinations, beaches, hotels, etc.  I love flying, and I love staying in hotels, and I love visiting new places.

On a more realistic note, my dream job would be as a secretary or something in an office where I could use my organizational tendencies.  Also, I happen to love paperwork.  (Working for the Census Bureau office two years ago was my favorite thing!)

6/30 Things: Hardest Thing

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What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?


In hindsight, most of the things I've been though don't seem so bad anymore.   I know they were definitely hard when I was in the middle of it, but I am grateful now for the experiences.

The hardest thing that I can remember enduring was my first break up, which happened 7 months ago.  It was hard because it was, surprisingly, the biggest blow to my testimony that I've ever had.  I learned a lot about faith, trust, hope, and personal revelation as I sorted through my shattered feelings during the next few months.  

It was hard emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally.  I lost my appetite for several months and often had to force myself to eat something.  All I wanted to do was sleep all the time, but I was Relief Society president and in the middle of a demanding semester.  To top it all off, my ex was in my ward, was the Elder's Quorum President, and was in one of my classes.  There was no escaping the memory of our relationship and no opportunity for closure.

The worst part was not being able to see the end of it.  I knew from the start that I would get though it fine, but that only made it harder to have to wait through it.

Now, I think the worst of it is over.  It's easy to look back and say that I'm grateful for it, but it was definitely the hardest thing I've ever experienced.

That being said, it was also one of the most spiritual times of my life, as I learned the truth of the scripture: "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee." (Psalm 55:22)  Thanks in large part to the prayers of my family and friends, I felt the sustaining influence of the Spirit more than I ever had in my life.  The first few weeks, I knew it wasn't my strength that got me out of bed and carried me through each day-- it was Someone greater.

5/30 Things: Happy Things

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What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

1. Studying the scriptures
Whenever I am feeling down, reading and studying scriptures and conference talks really lifts me up. I can feel Heavenly Father's love as he communicates to me through the words of others.

2. Spending time goofing off with my roommates
I love my roommates. They are my best friends, and we have a lot of fun together. They relieve a lot of my stress by making me laugh-- a LOT!! And sometimes it's just nice spending time with people who I enjoy being around.

3. Volleyball and exercise
It's spring and summer term at BYU, which means, especially at Glenwood, that people get together and play volleyball every night in the sand pit by the pool. It's one of my favorite things about this time of year and one of the reasons that I love where I live. Also, I'm doing aerobics classes this summer, which are going to be a lot of fun. Endorphins!!

4. The warm weather!
I'm a Florida girl. No further explanation required.

5. Cuddling
Who doesn't like cuddling? It's just nice to spend time being close to someone you like. :)

4/30 Things: 16-year-old self

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List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

1. Don't have high hopes about dating in high school or at BYU. Don't base your worth on how many dates you get asked on.
2. Take more dual enrollment courses to get real college experience.
3. Learn to write long papers.
4. Learn what real research is and how to do it.
5. Read, read, read. Especially non-fiction.
6. Listen to and do what Dad says.
7. Have confidence. Be happy. Stop caring what others think of you and be yourself.
8. Really study the scriptures-- even conference talks! (Watch Conference on Saturday, too)
9. You won't always feel the way you do now.
10. Your relationship with Sara will get better once you leave home.

3/30 Things: Parents

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Describe your relationship with your parents.

My parents. I love them. If you read my post just previous to this about fears, you'll remember that one of my greatest fears is losing my parents. I don't know what I'd do without them. Even though I don't rely on them for much of my physical support right now, just knowing that they are there whenever I need them provides a lot of my emotional support.

Right now my relationship with my parents is mostly over the phone, so here's what our relationships look like in that context.

My dad. He's not really the talkative type, so I often spend lots of time on the phone with him in silence, just thinking at each other. I usually call him for questions about money, work, my calling/ the Church, big decisions, and things like that. I've learned to trust and do almost everything he says, because I've never gone wrong by following his advice.

My mom. She's my best friend. In contrast to my dad, we can spend hours talking on the phone. I mostly call her about boys and dating, but we also talk about stuff like my calling, my classes, her work, my dog, and spiritual stuff. I can just tell her about my day, and sometimes we can just talk about nothing but the fact that we're talking is all that matters.

I love them both so much!

2/30 Things: Fears

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Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears. 

Fear #1: Getting in trouble

This one probably seems weird, but it's definitely a legitimate fear of mine, and possibly my greatest fear.  I am absolutely filled with dread when I think I am in trouble.  I guess I am just such a people-pleaser that I hate to let anyone down or have my reputation marred.  I also really don't like confrontation, especially when someone is confronting me, so that's probably part of it, too.  

Fear #2: Losing my parents

I don't think this one is unusual.  Even though I am pretty independent and not living at home, just knowing that my parents are there for me is such a comfort and support.  And my mom is my best friend, I don't think that I could handle not being able to talk to her about life.  

Fear #3: Being attacked

Being independent, single, and female I worry a lot about my safety when I am by myself.  Another part of it is that I think I would be so afraid that I would just be paralyzed and unable to fight back, even if I wanted to.  I feel like that whole "fight or flight" philosophy wouldn't apply to me.  Then again, I wouldn't know since I've never been in that situation before.

In the end, I know it's been said before, but the only things we really fear are the unknown.  When something is strange or new to us, we don't know how we should or will react to it, and so fear is often the reaction.  Kind of interesting to think about and apply to your own fears.  What is it that we really fear?

1/30 Things: Random Facts

This is part of a series of posts I will be doing over the next 30 days or so.  It's from a list of 30 questions I found on this blog: Hopes and Dreams (you can see the all of the questions there).

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20 random facts about yourself.

1. I love The Beatles.
2. I was president of the American Sign Language club in high school.
3. I've attended church with President Hinckley.
4. I can solve a Rubik's cube in less than 2 minutes.
5. My favorite instrument on Rockband is guitar.
6. I like making green smoothies (fruit smoothies with spinach!).
7. My favorite Disney movies growing up were Aladdin and Pocahontas.
8. I love learning about the history of music groups and song.
9. My favorite Bible character is Daniel.
10. I played clarinet and bass clarinet in middle school.
11. I like to write missionaries.
12. Apples to apples is probably my favorite board game.
13. I prefer crunch peanut butter.
14. My favorite smoothie at Jamba Juice is Strawberry Surf Rider. :)
15. I love doing paperwork.
16. My favorite movie is Nacho Libre.
17. Washington D.C. is my favorite travel destination.
18. I absolutely love the beach.
19. I like to do the dishes by hand-- it's stress relieving.
20. My favorite temples are Manti and San Diego.

Break out the library card-- It's time for summer reading again!

BYU's Winter semester ends this week, so that means it's time to hit the books-- this time for fun!

I've started putting together my reading list, but I need some more ideas.

I'd love any book suggestions you have!  

These are the books I'm starting with:

Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln (biography)
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (sci-fi)Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience and Redemption (biography)
Escape from Camp 14: One Man's Remarkable Odyssey from North Korea to Freedom in the West (biography)
Michael Vey: The Prisoner of Cell 25 (fiction)

Maybe that gives you an idea of what I'm interested in, too.

I'll post updates and mini reviews as I finish each of them.

Thanks for your suggestions!

Black History Month Project

I've been taking a History of African Americans class this last semester.  I've really enjoyed it and it has given me a lot of new perspectives.  As part of the class we had to do a Black History Month project.  I chose to attend events and write blog posts about them for BYU's History department.  I thought I would post them here, as well, for anyone who is interested in reading them.  There are 4 posts, and you may want to start with the first one I posted, about 4 posts down.  If you do read them, let me know what you think!

Dr. Benjamin Carson Forum Address

Dr. Benjamin Carson, a world-renowned neurosurgeon and social activist, was BYU’s Black History Month forum speaker.  But without knowing that he was invited to speak specifically for the occasion, you might have never suspected it.  Dr. Carson gave a wonderful address, but the mention of race was never made.  How then, does he qualify as a black history month speaker?

I was actually very surprised that the issue of Dr. Carson’s race never once came up in his remarks.  What he did instead was rather remarkable, I think.  It was almost as though he purposely avoided the subject.  As I listened to him speak, I wondered why he didn’t bring it up.  I was almost disappointed that he didn’t.  But as I reflected on it later, the significance of what he’d done became apparent.

By not directly addressing the issue of race, Dr. Carson effectively connected with the audience (a group of mostly white students) better than he could have if he had set himself apart as an African American.  By refusing to make that distinction, I felt that Dr. Carson was grouping us all together as simply Americans.  For me, at least, this was refreshing.  When race is constantly being brought up, it becomes a separator.  But unity results when the issue is left alone.

This approach to his speaking assignment allowed Dr. Carson to address issues that were universally applicable, especially to BYU students.  He spoke of the greatness of America and the promise that our nation holds.  He spoke of the importance of involving everyday people in the government, not just politicians.  He spoke of religion and the importance of promoting a belief in God and morals.  He spoke of the crucial role of education in children’s lives, and what can be done to increase its quality.  All of these are things that BYU students hold as valuable.

Even though Dr. Carson did not mention skin color, he still made a very strong, though unspoken, commentary on race.  It was as if he were saying, I refuse to be defined by my blackness.  And by so doing, he encouraged us to not let ourselves be defined by the stereotypes we may fall into as well.  We are the ones who decide who we are and what defines us.


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Understanding Black Latter-day Saints

“We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.” (Martin Luther King, Jr., Letter from Birmingham Jail)

Why does black history matter to you?  If you are not black, you might not think that it applies at all.  But take another look at the above quote by a beloved civil rights leader, and reconsider if black history is really irrelevant to you.  Margaret Young took this subject of shared history as the topic for her Black (Church) History lecture in February.  She used the lives of several inspiring figures in black church history to show us just how connected we are to them.

The first person she talked about was Elijah Able, probably one of the most well-known black Mormons for the fact that Joseph Smith had ordained him to the priesthood in the early Church.  How does this early church figure relate to us today?  Elijah saved the life of Charles Wilcken, one of the ancestors of George Wilcken Romney, father of Mitt Romney.  If Elijah had not saved his life, Romney would not be running for president right now.  Call that good or bad, depending on your political persuasions, but nevertheless the link between Elijah and Romney is one that directly ties the past to our day.

Green Flake was another early black Latter-day Saint that Dr. Young discussed.  He was a slave that Brigham Young acquired.  It is very probable that he was who Brigham Young was speaking to as he pulled into the Salt Lake Valley and said, “This is the right place.  Drive on.”  And so, we see how another black man was so importantly involved in our own history.  He was a part of that historic moment that has become enshrined in Mormon history.

Another black Mormon who was discussed in the lecture was Biddy Smith Mason.  Her story is interesting for the implications of it on another’s life.  Biddy was a slave who sought with other relatives to be emancipated from their master when he moved with them out of the south.  The case went to court and came up before Benjamin Hayes.  He did something that was usual for a judge at the time, and he actually asked the slaves for their opinion.  They expressed their desire to be free, and so the judge emancipated them.  The really interesting part comes a little later when one of Benjamin Hayes’ children fell off a moving wagon, and one of these emancipated blacks saved the child from being crushed by the wheels of the wagon.  Again, the connection between whites and blacks is clear here.  We depend on each other, and what we do to each other affects us or others in some way, at some point.

After the lecture, Dr. Young took questions and invited her research partner, Darius Gray, to come speak as well.  His comments were very enlightening.  He said, “It’s not just black history.  It’s American history.”  He then went on to say that black history needs to be taught more generally throughout regular history classes.  The same is true of other minorities (Native Americans, Hispanics, Asians, etc.).   He went on to say that “a society teaches what it values.  In the past, we have not valued black history.  That needs to change.”

As I have studied black history over the course of this semester, I have come to the same conclusion that Darius Gray expressed.  There is so much rich and important black history that is ignored by the mainstream teaching of today.  Like Darius said, that needs to change.  By learning the things that have been left out, I have gained a greater appreciation for the wider sweep of American history.  All our history classes would benefit from an integration of a range of experiences.  What a richer history we would then have to tell and learn!


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Nobody Knows: The Untold Story of Black Mormons

During Black History Month, the BYU library screened a film called Nobody Knows: The Untold Story of Black Mormons.  It was produced by a BYU professor, Margaret Young, and Darius Gray, one of the founding leaders of the Church’s Genesis Group (a support group for black LDS members).  The film addresses the difficult topic of black Mormon history and does so in a wonderful way.  Far from being speculative and controversial, the film is inspiring and enlightening.  It sheds light on the prejudices that existed and still exists among members of the Church, but also highlights the faithful black members.

It specifically addresses the different reasons for the denial of the priesthood to blacks, debunking myth after myth to suggest that the practice was not in actuality based in true doctrine as many assume.  Instead, it was a policy put in place by Church leaders who were influenced by societal racist feelings of the time and religious ideology concerning the “curse of Cain.”  The film reaches the conclusion that we do not know the reason that the policy was allowed to remain in place until direct revelation ended the practice with Spencer W. Kimball.

In the movie, filmmaker Darius Gray shares his personal conversion story.  He had a baptismal date, but the night before he was to be baptized the missionaries told him that he would not be allowed to hold the priesthood.  He thought to himself that there was “no way in hell” he would join that church.  But that night he prayed and received a confirmation, on no uncertain terms, that he was to join the church the next day.  And so he did.  He has remained a faithful member of the church since that time.  He has faced many questions about his adherence to a church that appears so racist, but he faces such accusations with strength and faith.  

After the screening of the film, we were privileged to have a short question and answer session with the filmmakers.  Darius Gray was especially interesting to hear from.  Someone asked him, since he works so closely with church leaders and general authorities, if the brethren had ever given an actual reason for the priesthood ban.  It seemed like the audience waited with bated breath to see how he would answer.  He hesitated, and then proceeded, prefacing his answer with this disclaimer: what he was about to say is not doctrine, but it is consistent with scripture and he has been given permission from the brethren to teach it.  He then went on to say that the priesthood restriction was not set in place by God, but it was allowed by God as a test to see how we would treat each other.  It was lifted by revelation when it became too much of an impediment to the spread of the gospel through the world, ending a practice that had been set in place by men.

When I heard his explanation, everything suddenly fell in place for me.  I was filled with so much peace, and I felt that what he’d said was true.  I had finally reached a point where I no longer felt like the priesthood ban was a difficult topic.  I felt no more embarrassed about the subject, either.  The uncertainty I had felt about the issue had been a burden I hadn’t realized I was carrying until that moment.  But now, I was liberated.  “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32).

On my way home from the film screening, I called my mom because I was just so excited about what I’d just learned.  I wanted to share my excitement and relief with someone.  Since this time, the topic has become one that I don’t shy away from because I am no longer ignorant.

You, too, may be carrying around ignorance-induced burdens that you don’t even recognize.  Maybe it’s about blacks and the priesthood, or maybe it’s about another aspect of history, or something else entirely.  Don’t be afraid to confront those uneasy topics.  You might be surprised what you will learn if you do confront them, as I was.

If you are interested in watching the film for yourself, the BYU Harold B. Lee library has copies available for check out.  For more information, you can visit the film’s website here. (http://blackmormonfilm.com/).


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A Touchy Subject: Blacks and Mormonism

The topic of black Latter-day Saints is one that I’ve usually found to be taboo in our culture.  Why is that so?  What is it about the history of blacks and the LDS Church that makes it such a difficult topic for us to address openly?

You may want to ask yourself: what do you know about black Mormons?  You probably know that they were banned from holding the priesthood for much of the church’s past, until the ban was lifted by Official Declaration 2 in 1878.  Before this last semester, that was just about all I knew, too.

I didn’t understand the reasons behind the priesthood ban, and so, to be honest, it was one of those topics that I didn’t really like to think about.  I kind of saw it as a black spot on the history of the Church, and frankly I was afraid to learn more about it.  What if I learned something that undermined my testimony of the gospel?  It was a real fear, to be sure, though I’ve since come to find that it was an unnecessary fear.

I often wonder if much of the rest of the Church’s members don’t feel the same way that I do.  I would venture to guess that they do.  It’s a topic that isn’t focused on, and, surely, it’s not one of the essential principles pertinent to our salvation.  Plus, it is easy to get caught up in suppositions about speculation on such topics.  And so to avoid doing so, the topic is left relatively untouched and unexplored by many members.

But what would be the value of learning about the history of black Mormons?  It turns out, for me at least, that my testimony was greatly strengthened by the things I learned.  It is no longer a scary topic for me to face, and I feel like I can easily answer critics of the Church in regards to the priesthood ban.  This is a skill that is becoming increasingly more important for Latter-day Saints to have as the Church is gaining greater publicity.  The topic of blacks and the priesthood has been in the news a lot recently, and Church members need to know how to respond to questions about it.  To do so, they need to learn about it.

This last February, BYU sponsored several Black History Month events.  These provided the opportunity to learn specifically about the history of blacks as related to the Church and BYU.  In the following posts, I share the experiences I had from participating in these events.


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General Conference

I absolutely loved General Conference this last weekend!

 I was able to attend the Saturday morning session in the Conference Center with some friends and we stayed to listen to the afternoon session on the grass outside the tabernacle.  The weather was absolutely beautiful, and I even got a little bit of a sunburn!

Me and Sara outside the Conference Center

Pierce, Sara, me, Taylor, and Riley (yeah, she's not looking at the camera)

On the roof of the conference center with the Salt Lake temple in the background

My favorite session was Sunday morning.  I thought all the talks were excellent, especially President Uchtdorf's and Elder Christofferson's.

Quote from President Uchtdorf's Sunday morning talk

(click the image to see a blog with more printable quotes from this year's conference!)

Looking forward to re-reading all the talks once they are released later this week!

We thank thee, o God, for a prophet!