I have debated and debated and debated again with myself whether or not to make this post. I was afraid it would make me too vulnerable. I was afraid people wouldn't appreciate it as much as I did. I usually don't like the idea of posting something that's so emotionally significant to me. But I want to share it and sometimes it feels like I need to share it.
I have recently been through my first break up. Just a week and a half prior to breaking up with me, he kissed me for the first time. As a result of these two events, I experienced in rather quick succession two very different sleepless nights. The idea intrigued me, and that idea of "two sleepless nights" kept coming back to me. I finally sat down and put my thoughts and feelings down in a poem.
And somehow, it helped. It helped me sort my feelings out and put them into a lyrical form that expressed them almost exactly how I felt them, and gave me a way to confront them more directly.
"The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul. No matter our talents, education, backgrounds, or abilities, we each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before... Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment... One of the ways we find [eternal happiness] is by creating things."
~President Uchtdorf
And so, this is the result of that creation.
Two Sleepless Nights
The first one, I must admit, occured
When cetain wonderful feelings were stirred
By a kiss on the lips, my first one received!
I was thrilled with the prospect I'd finally achieved.
The long-'waited moment had suddenly come,
And there I stood shaking; I'd finally won!
Did it mean what I hoped? He seemed so sincere.
I trusted him fully, left no room for fear.
That first sleepless night I spent in a daze.
Mind spinning and buzzing, it passed in a haze.
I arose the next day, wondered if it was real,
And much to my pleasure, things continued ideal.
The second of two happened several days later.
We went for a walk, I suspected no traitor.
I talked for an hour, he gave me no sign,
That we were approaching the finishing line.
At the words that he spoke, "Our timing is off.
I just want to be friends," I wanted to scoff!
To him, all I'd given still wasn't enough...
But at least I could finally see through his bluff.
That last sleepless night I spent in a daze.
Mind spinning and buzzing, it passed in a haze.
I arose the next day, wished it wouldn't be real,
But I knew in my heart, I knew, I would heal.
