The Power of Scripture

In October General Conference, Elder Scott gave a message called, "The Power of Scripture."  It wasn't one of the talks that immediately impressed me at the time.  I've never really liked memorizing scriptures, probably because I didn't think I was good at it.  But over the last few months I found myself increasingly turning to the scriptures for comfort and strength.  Then I recently went back and re-read Elder Scott's talk.  I realized that I had discovered the truth of his words for myself.  When we memorize scriptures, they truly become friends that we can call upon at any time.

As Elder Scott says, "They can become stalwart friends that are not limited by geography or calendar.  They are always available when needed."

"Learning, pondering, searching, and memorizing scriptures is like filling a filing cabinet with friends, values, and truths that can be called upon anytime, anywhere in the world."

"To memorize a scripture is to forge a new friendship.  It is like discovering a new individual who can help in time of need, give inspiration and comfort, and be a source of motivation for needed change."

"Pondering a passage of scripture can be a key to unlock revelation and the guidance and inspiration of the Holy Ghost."

"Scriptures... have the power to heal emotional challenges when there is faith in the Savior."

There are so many verses that I've gone back to over and over again to find peace and direction.  Sometimes it was a very familiar scripture that took on new power or meaning.  There were also completely new scriptures that I discovered.  I've written them down and I keep them where I can see them often (like the desktop of my computer).

I know God will speak directly to us through the scriptures if we listen to the Spirit.  It's been an amazing and wonderful to experience it for myself.  I love this gospel!

My Road Through Hell

I take my inspiration today from a favorite blog of mine, Single Dad Laughing.  This week he re-posted one of his previous posts.  It's called The Thousand Roads Through Hell.  It's good stuff if you're interested in reading it.

If not, I'll share here some of the things he said which were most meaningful to me, though it really is better if you read his whole post. :)

"Hell is different for everyone, and everyone must walk through it from time to time. Thank God for that...

"And, how many times have I been overwhelmed with gratitude for the desperation that resulted from it all? Thousands. Maybe tens of thousands….

"You see, every single noteworthy or remarkable thing I have achieved or done as an adult has been directly related to the moments when I was finally able to let go of that dark past and heal myself. Without all of it, I would be a weak excuse for a man...

"I really do believe I was lucky. Fate was smiling on this lump of a man as it dragged me bloody behind its speeding carriage...

"At the end of every road you will reach the edge of hell. When you take that last step from the darkness, the most beautiful things you could possibly imagine will be there...

"What we can choose is to keep walking. We can choose to look at the flames in front of us and maneuver our way through them. We can move forward with blind faith that there is always something good at the end of our road...

"Choose one road, any road, and start running. Run full speed and do not stop. Do not look back. Do not worry that you have made a wrong choice.  

"The future will seem uncertain. It will seem unsafe. But you have to keep running. You must run until turning back is impossible. Only then will you see the beauty that sits on the horizon."

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After my break up, I found myself in my own personal hell, faced with the choice of what I was going to do about it.  At first, I tried as hard as I could to avoid the pain.  I thought I was the exception, that I could be different.  I kept starting down one road, finding that it was hard, and turning back.  Trying to find the easiest way.  But I only kept hurting and hurting over and over.  I didn't realize then that the only way out of hell is through it. 

One day, after another painful, failed attempt to take the easy way out, I finally accepted the fact that I would have to get through it the hard way, like everyone else.  So I got on my path and started running as hard as I could.  I'll admit that I still turned back and couple of times, and every time I was singed by the waiting flames.  But each time that happened it gave me the motivation to keep moving forward.

But the strangest thing I've discovered through it all is that I have never felt closer to heaven than when I was going through hell.  Something bigger than me got me out of bed every day; gave me the strength to go to school and work; helped me focus on my studies; sent me the right people exactly when I needed them; and, most importantly, gave me the courage to forgive so that I could let go.

"My people must be tried in all things, that they may be prepared to receive the glory that I have for them, even the glory of Zion; and he that will not bear chastisement is not worthy of my kingdom."
(Doctrine and Covenants 136:31)

God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle-- with his help.  And he is there to help.  Waiting, with open arms for us to accept his help.

"During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, 
it was then that I carried you."

(Carolyn Carty, Footprints)

That is what I am most grateful for this Thanksgiving.  A loving Heavenly Father and the reality of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

Two Sleepless Nights

[Unfortunately, I was editing this post and accidentally deleted the original content.  I've re-posted it with what I can remember from before.]

I have debated and debated and debated again with myself whether or not to make this post.  I was afraid it would make me too vulnerable.  I was afraid people wouldn't appreciate it as much as I did.  I usually don't like the idea of posting something that's so emotionally significant to me.  But I want to share it and sometimes it feels like I need to share it.

I have recently been through my first break up.  Just a week and a half prior to breaking up with me, he kissed me for the first time.  As a result of these two events, I experienced in rather quick succession two very different sleepless nights.  The idea intrigued me, and that idea of "two sleepless nights" kept coming back to me.  I finally sat down and put my thoughts and feelings down in a poem.

And somehow, it helped.  It helped me sort my feelings out and put them into a lyrical form that expressed them almost exactly how I felt them, and gave me a way to confront them more directly.

"The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul.  No matter our talents, education, backgrounds, or abilities, we each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before... Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment... One of the ways we find [eternal happiness] is by creating things."

~President Uchtdorf

And so, this is the result of that creation.

Two Sleepless Nights

The first one, I must admit, occured

When cetain wonderful feelings were stirred

By a kiss on the lips, my first one received!

I was thrilled with the prospect I'd finally achieved.

The long-'waited moment had suddenly come,

And there I stood shaking; I'd finally won!

Did it mean what I hoped?  He seemed so sincere.

I trusted him fully, left no room for fear.

That first sleepless night I spent in a daze.

Mind spinning and buzzing, it passed in a haze.

I arose the next day, wondered if it was real,

And much to my pleasure, things continued ideal.

The second of two happened several days later.

We went for a walk, I suspected no traitor.

I talked for an hour, he gave me no sign,

That we were approaching the finishing line.

At the words that he spoke, "Our timing is off.

I just want to be friends," I wanted to scoff!

To him, all I'd given still wasn't enough...

But at least I could finally see through his bluff.

That last sleepless night I spent in a daze.

Mind spinning and buzzing, it passed in a haze.

I arose the next day, wished it wouldn't be real,

But I knew in my heart, I knew, I would heal.