My Road Through Hell

I take my inspiration today from a favorite blog of mine, Single Dad Laughing.  This week he re-posted one of his previous posts.  It's called The Thousand Roads Through Hell.  It's good stuff if you're interested in reading it.

If not, I'll share here some of the things he said which were most meaningful to me, though it really is better if you read his whole post. :)

"Hell is different for everyone, and everyone must walk through it from time to time. Thank God for that...

"And, how many times have I been overwhelmed with gratitude for the desperation that resulted from it all? Thousands. Maybe tens of thousands….

"You see, every single noteworthy or remarkable thing I have achieved or done as an adult has been directly related to the moments when I was finally able to let go of that dark past and heal myself. Without all of it, I would be a weak excuse for a man...

"I really do believe I was lucky. Fate was smiling on this lump of a man as it dragged me bloody behind its speeding carriage...

"At the end of every road you will reach the edge of hell. When you take that last step from the darkness, the most beautiful things you could possibly imagine will be there...

"What we can choose is to keep walking. We can choose to look at the flames in front of us and maneuver our way through them. We can move forward with blind faith that there is always something good at the end of our road...

"Choose one road, any road, and start running. Run full speed and do not stop. Do not look back. Do not worry that you have made a wrong choice.  

"The future will seem uncertain. It will seem unsafe. But you have to keep running. You must run until turning back is impossible. Only then will you see the beauty that sits on the horizon."

------------------

After my break up, I found myself in my own personal hell, faced with the choice of what I was going to do about it.  At first, I tried as hard as I could to avoid the pain.  I thought I was the exception, that I could be different.  I kept starting down one road, finding that it was hard, and turning back.  Trying to find the easiest way.  But I only kept hurting and hurting over and over.  I didn't realize then that the only way out of hell is through it. 

One day, after another painful, failed attempt to take the easy way out, I finally accepted the fact that I would have to get through it the hard way, like everyone else.  So I got on my path and started running as hard as I could.  I'll admit that I still turned back and couple of times, and every time I was singed by the waiting flames.  But each time that happened it gave me the motivation to keep moving forward.

But the strangest thing I've discovered through it all is that I have never felt closer to heaven than when I was going through hell.  Something bigger than me got me out of bed every day; gave me the strength to go to school and work; helped me focus on my studies; sent me the right people exactly when I needed them; and, most importantly, gave me the courage to forgive so that I could let go.

"My people must be tried in all things, that they may be prepared to receive the glory that I have for them, even the glory of Zion; and he that will not bear chastisement is not worthy of my kingdom."
(Doctrine and Covenants 136:31)

God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle-- with his help.  And he is there to help.  Waiting, with open arms for us to accept his help.

"During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, 
it was then that I carried you."

(Carolyn Carty, Footprints)

That is what I am most grateful for this Thanksgiving.  A loving Heavenly Father and the reality of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.