18/30 Things: Forgiving

(Click here for the intro post)

What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

I've always thought that I am a very forgiving person. Before last year, I couldn't think of any real grudges I held. I didn't really know what it meant when people talked about it being difficult to forgive. I always found it pretty easy to let go of things. That was, until I experienced my first break-up. This break-up was by no means messy or bad, but it was the first time I had had to deal with anything like that. (Apparently this generally happens in high school when most people have their first relationships.) After I got over the initial shock of the break that lasted a few weeks, I tried to move on.

My attempts to "move on" were thwarted by the circumstances that surrounded me. I saw and interacted with my ex on a regular basis: we were in the same class, the same ward, and also comprised the major leadership of our ward (as Elders Quorum and Relief Society presidents). Because of this frequent interaction, it was easy to be hurt again and again by things he (usually unwittingly) did. For the first time in my life I wanted to make someone else hurt as much as I was hurting. I wanted all the worst of bad luck for him in love and life. I'd never felt this way toward anyone. 

I finally couldn't stand these awful feelings. I took it to the Lord. As a result, I spent innumerable nights on my knees in prayer and made countless searches in the scriptures to figure out how to forgive. Up to this point in my life, I guess I hadn't ever learned what it really meant to forgive, as I'd never been truly hurt before. And the forgiveness definitely didn't happen all at once, but it came slowly over time--and with a LOT of work and effort on my part. One of the hardest scriptures I struggled to apply in this situation was, "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you" (Matt 5:44), but have gotten much better at it! 

I am so grateful for this small instance in which I could learn how to forgive, so that I can now use what I've learned in future and more difficult situations.